I've been involved in music ministry at church since I was 13 years old - 17
years. I loved it. It was definitely my calling. The choir was also instrumental (no pun intended) in developing my relationship with Victor.
Whenever the parable of the talents came up at mass, I thought to myself, "I'm good. I'm doing my music thing."
When
I had Darian, we stopped. On top of the fact that we live farther away
from the church now, it's just too impractical to commit to Thursday
night rehearsals which conflict with his bedtime, too hectic to try to
get to the church for the hour-long warmup before mass, and too
difficult to try to keep him quiet up there in the choir loft.
I've
kind of lamented the fact that I'm done with it for now. I keep
thinking, "We could join the choir again in a couple of months..."
This
past Sunday, sitting in the congregation, I realized that I've spent
all those years behind the piano losing touch with the liturgy. For me
personally, it's become hard to properly reflect on the readings,
homily, and sacrament when I'm always on my toes for the next hymn to
play. It had become sort of a performance.
Also, DH took Darian
to the children's liturgy for the first time on Sunday. Apparently they
had a really great time and we're looking forward to continuing that.
All
of this is to say, I realized that my 'ministry' now is to raise my
child in the church. Among other things that this child has brought me, I
feel like God has given me the opportunity to get re-acquainted with
the liturgy and my faith, and to start fresh through my baby's eyes.
And I am thankful for that.
Maybe
one day when he is much older, we'll re-join the choir, but for now,
I've finally made peace with the fact that I've moved on.
