Monday, November 14, 2011

A new ministry

I've been involved in music ministry at church since I was 13 years old - 17 years. I loved it. It was definitely my calling. The choir was also instrumental (no pun intended) in developing my relationship with Victor.

Whenever the parable of the talents came up at mass, I thought to myself, "I'm good. I'm doing my music thing."

When I had Darian, we stopped. On top of the fact that we live farther away from the church now, it's just too impractical to commit to Thursday night rehearsals which conflict with his bedtime, too hectic to try to get to the church for the hour-long warmup before mass, and too difficult to try to keep him quiet up there in the choir loft.

I've kind of lamented the fact that I'm done with it for now. I keep thinking, "We could join the choir again in a couple of months..."

This past Sunday, sitting in the congregation, I realized that I've spent all those years behind the piano losing touch with the liturgy. For me personally, it's become hard to properly reflect on the readings, homily, and sacrament when I'm always on my toes for the next hymn to play. It had become sort of a performance.

Also, DH took Darian to the children's liturgy for the first time on Sunday. Apparently they had a really great time and we're looking forward to continuing that.

All of this is to say, I realized that my 'ministry' now is to raise my child in the church. Among other things that this child has brought me, I feel like God has given me the opportunity to get re-acquainted with the liturgy and my faith, and to start fresh through my baby's eyes.

And I am thankful for that.

Maybe one day when he is much older, we'll re-join the choir, but for now, I've finally made peace with the fact that I've moved on.